Addicted To
by Nierx
Summary: Racercest Rex X /Speed. This time: "C’mon Ol’ Blue Eyes, admit it. You thought you wanted the girl, but instead you want the outlaw Racer"
1. Shower

Addicted To

Shower

* * *

Seventeen-year-old Rex Racer was in the shower, hoping the hot water would soothe his fevered mind.

His brain was on a loop these days and the loop was Speed. When he slept, his dreams were of an older Speed. A Speed that he could kiss and fuck with until the sun came up.

Somehow, he knew that Speed never saw his face.

Rex took himself in his hand, heart speeding up as if he was racing. Images of older-Speed ran through his head. He moaned, "Speed" imagining that Speed was touching him, kissing him…Rex came soon after, in his-no-Speed's hand. He felt hollow. Curling the hand into a fist, he washed it off.

Rex sighed, massaging shampoo into his hair. Why was he thinking like this? Was it possible his love towards his little brother was more than just brotherly? After rinsing his hair, he turned off the water and dried himself off.

As he wrapped the towel around his waist, he heard Mom talking to Speed. "Aw, Speedy, what were you doing out in the rain? You're soaked! And covered in mud!"

"But Mom, my racers race in all weather!" the eleven-year-old exclaimed in shock, surprised how Mom reacted.

"Go take a bath, mister!" Rex could hear Speed's little feet stomp down the hallway and were about to park themselves right outside the door. _Crap._ Plugging the tub, Rex started to turn on the hot water when he heard Speed knock on the door.

"Rex! Mom wants me to take a bath. Are you done in there?"

Rex opened the door, just wearing a towel around his waist. _Aw, why does he have to look so adorable?_ Speed was wet from head to toe and his shirt, Rex decided, was ruined from mud. Probably his jeans too, from the looks of things. Anyone else would have looked like a drowned rat; Speed just looked too cute, smiling his special-only-for-Rex-smile. The adorable factor was enhanced for Speed's front two teeth were knocked out.

"Yeah," Rex said after a moment. He opened the door wider and walked out. "All yours Speedy." He bowed his head and walked to his room.

* * *

Pulling on jeans and a T-shirt, Rex stared at his hand that he came into. _Wrong_, his mind whispered. He made a fist and started to punch the wall. Why did he feel this way? Why, why, why? Tears came to his eyes and it wasn't from the pain.

He hit the wall until his knuckles were bruised and bleeding. _Better._ But how to explain? It wouldn't fly to tell the truth: _"I masturbated about an older Speed."_ Pops would have a heart attack right then and there.

Sighing, he walked to the garage, looking around. Rex's feet were freezing on the concrete, he forgot socks. Better hurry.

He stared at his beloved car, the Mach 1. It was gleaming red. _I'm sorry, baby._ He punched the car, funneling all of the pain, confusion, self-hate, and love into that punch; there was a loud popping noise. Rex bit his lip in pain. His right hand was defiantly broken.

* * *

Mom freaked when Rex showed her in the kitchen. After Speed was done with his bath, they crammed into the small Toyota and went to the emergency room. Rex said that he wasn't looking where he was hitting and hit the Mach 1.

The doctor confirmed what Rex already knew: the hand was broken. While wrapping it and setting a cast, the doctor explained that he shouldn't drive until the cast was off. Rex nodded, absent-minded. Speed was asking a lot of questions, like "Why did your hand break?" and "Why can't Rex drive?"

Rex couldn't shift, couldn't drive. He would have to switch hands when writing; luckily, he was ambidextrous.

_This is my punishment. I can't love him. _This would be Rex's mantra. He swore on the Mach 1, on racing itself. He would never love Speed Racer any more than a brother should until the day that would never come-until Rex crashed the Mach 1.

* * *

A/N: Welcome to the first drabbles of Addicted To.

Warnings: Racercest, Rex/Racer X being emo, going between time and both universes (aka the anime and the movie).

This is going to be fun.

I figured that Rex would be so confident that he would never crash. Too bad for him, that happened. *shrugs*.

Tell me what you think! Review and I'll continue…

Nierx


	2. Clothes

Addicted To

Clothes

* * *

There was a phase Speed went through when he was sixteen. It all started when he could wear Rex's clothes and not drown in the fabric.

"Oh, Speedy," Mom cried when her middle son entered the kitchen. "You look so grown up!" Speed was wearing Rex's old brown leather jacket, a white T-shirt, and jeans. He smiled sheepishly.

"My old fall stuff doesn't really fit, so I had to look in Rex's room. Sorry…"

"No, it's fine," Mom said, albeit too cheerfully, with tears in her eyes.

Pops looked over the top of the paper, which he had been just engrossed in. "Rex, don't make your mom cry."

"Um…Sorry guys, I'm Speed," Speed said, confused.

Rubbing his eyes, Pops realized his mistake. "Oh, sorry, Speed. You just…" The sentence died on his lips. Speed knew what he was about to say: _You just look like Rex._

After a breakfast of lovingly-made pancakes, Speed went into the bathroom, locking the door. His hair was darker than Rex was his eyes blue instead of Rex's hazel. But the resemblance was there. Lips pursed in thought, Speed brushed his hair back. _Aha_.

Speed raided Rex's room later, knowing that Rex wouldn't mind if his little brother took his old clothes.

For weeks, Mom and Pops kept double-taking when Speed walked into a room. With the hair and the clothes, Speed looked like Rex.

Only later, did Speed know, Mom cried in the bedroom late at night, mourning over the loss of Rex.

The phase continued, Speed was adapting Rex's persona. He perfected Rex's cocky smile, Rex's glare, Rex's tone and voice and attitude. It terrified Mom and infuriated Pops. Sparky and Trixie were in shock. Spritle was confused, having only vague memories of the famed older brother.

Speed was well-speeding down the highway in the Mach 5. The sound of a police care siren split the air like a banshee shriek. Blue eyes glanced at the rear-view monitor. They rolled and Speed pulled over.

Getting out of the car, the officer walked to the Mach 5. "License and registration, please."

Speed past it over silently, arching one eyebrow and smirking.

The officer looked at the license. "Well, Mr.…Racer; were you aware that you were driving at a hundred miles per hour?"

"Yup," Speed said cheerfully, stretching his arms out. "I'm a racer. Sorry if you don't understand."

The officer blew a gasket. "A racer! You drive on a civilian highway 30 miles over the speed limit and you give me that! Well let me tell you buddy, your tickets gonna be six-hundred bucks-double the usual. For attitude."

"Whatever," Speed said; taking the flimsy piece of paper took off the parking break and sped off.

Needless to say, Mom and Pops hit the roof.

"A six-hundred dollar ticket! A hundred miles per hour," Pops roared. Spritle and Chim-Chim ran to their room.

"Speedy, you can't do that. It's illegal. I know that you want to follow in Rex's footsteps, but you can't go that fast on a highway," Mom explained calmly.

"He is so not going to follow in Rex's footsteps!" Pops yelled, slapping the kitchen table. "Do you want to end up in a grave too-just like Rex?"

"Yup," Speed said monotony. "But I won't end up in a grave-I'm a much better racer than he ever was. And I'll drive whatever speed I want!" His voice was rising, until he was yelling like Pops.

_Whap_. Speed's head jerked to the left, his right cheek burning, an imprint from Pop's hand residing on his face. Speed's eyes widened. Neither Mom nor Pops ever hit Rex, himself, or Spritle before. Never spanked them. Never, it was unheard of.

Mom cried. "Oh, so we're abusive now!?" she yelled, tears streaming down to her face.

"Aya," Pops said, reaching for her. Mom ran to the master bedroom, slamming the door. Both Racers flinched at the thud.

Speed started to get up. Pops glared at him; Speed sat back down in the chair.

"Stay here," Pops said dully. "I'll go comfort your mother. Get rid of your attitude." He sighed, looking a hundred years old. "I don't want to lose another son."

Speed sat in the chair until midnight, thinking, crying. _Sorry, Mom, Pops, Rex. I just wanted to be like him._

The next day, Speed sold all of Rex's clothes, except for two things: the leather jacket and the red ascot tie. He changed his hair style, reverted to his own way of speaking.

_I guess it's enough_, he mused.

* * *

A/N: Inspired by this fanfic- http:(slash)(slash)racercest(dot)#cutid1

Thank you Sam22-2 for reviewing!

Nierx


	3. Masquerade

Addicted To

Masquerade

* * *

It had been six months since Racer X disappeared from the racing world. The Go team was at The 100 Racers Ball-hosting the best hundred racers in the world.

Speed sighed, hand mindlessly pulling on his _volto_ mask; anxious and sweating lightly.

It wasn't the mask's fault that he was fidgety. It was comfortable enough; blue with clear beads. He had been nervous all day and he was asking only one question-would Racer X-no, Rex-show up?

Speed looked around. No white suit, no black cloth mask. Just men in tuxes and women in long gowns-all wearing masks. Just Sparky and Trixie having a friendly dance the former looking awkward without his trusty red cap and the latter looking as beautiful as ever. Just Mom trying to persuade Spritle from getting another dessert plate and Pops backing her up.

Dejected, he sighed, hand gravitating to another champagne flute. How many had he had anyway? Speed shook his head. It didn't matter. Nothing did except when he was racing.

"You shouldn't drink so much Speedy," said a deep voice behind him. "Do you want to turn into an alcoholic?"

Speed whirled around. "Re…Racer X," the black-haired young man said.

He mentally hit his head-annoyed at the stutter. It wouldn't do to reveal the Masked Racer's identity to everyone. "You came."

"Yes. I got the invite before I quit racing. I figured it wouldn't do to decline at the last moment." The masked man was wearing an impeccable black suit. His mask was also in to _volto_ style, white with a black X-a negative of his usual outfit. The sunglasses were discarded so Speed could look into his brother's dark brown eyes.

"Or did you just miss the atmosphere?" Speed asked, nodding his head to the dance floor.

Racer X smirked. "No. I hate these parties, as you know." He reached for Speed's hand, gripping it firmly. "I missed you."

Speed looked at the mask, his eyes glowing. Recklessness coursed through him, fueled by the glasses of champagne. "Shall we dance, X?"

X grinned, looking around. "Don't you care about your public image, Speedy? What would the reporters, Trixie, and _our_ parents say?" Speed realized that this was just a formality; that X wanted to test him.

"I don't care," the middle Racer said, his lips pouting.

"All right then." Speed and Racer X, hand in hand walked onto the dance floor in the beginning of a waltz.

People stared, recognizing the mask of Racer X, but confused by the boy in his arms. Trixie stared, remembering that was Speed's mask. _Oh, Speed._

The two men danced as if they had danced their whole lives together (which they had), perfectly made for each other.

At the close of the song, Racer X pulled Speed into a kiss. Speed gasped, hands grasping Racer X's hair. Everyone stopped and stared as the couple broke the kiss, Speed blushing, Racer X smirking, perhaps a bit worried.

* * *

Later, at the Racer household, Pops was in danger of having a heart attack. "What has gotten into your head, Speed? _Kissing_ Racer X? I thought we raised you better than this!" Speed hadn't changed out of his tux and was sitting at the kitchen table. Up to this point, he hadn't said anything. Hopefully, it would all blow over.

"A _man_, Speed!" Or not. Pops slammed his fist on the table, making Mom jump.

"Speedy, I thought you were in love with Trixie. Sweetie, we just want-"she looked at Pops "-to do what's best for you. Just please help us understand," she pleaded.

There was a pause. Speed sighed, looking at his hands. "I love him."

Pops blew. "You love him! Well, news flash-you are both guys!"

"So what?" Speed stood up, his frame shaking. "I don't care! I love and him want to be with him! Is that so hard to accept?"

Silence. Mom was crying. Pops was livid, glaring at the middle child. "Get out."

Speed was stunned. "Fine," the boy said with venom. He stormed to up the stairs to his room, changing his clothes. He grabbed his suitcase, set it on his bed, and started to throw clothes, his toothbrush, books, and a car model into it.

Zipping it close, his ran downstairs, picking up his white leather jacket.

Mom was begging him to say, begging Pops to let him to stay. Neither spoke to each other.

At the door, Speed paused, turning to Mom, his lips twitching. "Sorry," he said, sadly. He looked at the house that he lived for almost-nineteen years, pulled the door open and was gone.

* * *

He drove to Racer X's house, probably breaking the speed limit. The drive passed in a blur. He was numb but relieved at the same time. The Mach 5's engine thrummed, calming him, clearing his mind of what he had just done.

Rex ran out, recognizing the engine. "What happened?" he demanded.

Speed pulled Rex into a hug. "Pops kicked me out…I told him an' Mom that I love you."

Rex stroked the black-haired-boy's face. "And…was it the truth?" he asked hesitantly. Speed kissed him. "Yes," he said, simply.

* * *

Both men were lying in bed the next day, not wanting to move. Speed was on Rex's chest, Rex's arms encircling him. Speed's eyes were closed, breathing cool air on the elder's chest. Rex was drinking in the sight of the younger.

"Did it feel good to tell them?" he asked.

Speed's eyes opened. "Yes. It felt good to remove the mask I've been hiding." He sighed. "I just wish I could have been gentler."

"You have more courage than me…I should tell them that I'm okay. But I won't…I'm a coward in that respect." Rex pulled Speed's chin up so they kissed.

"But, we wouldn't have this…"

* * *

A/N: I thought since it was the late '60s (and even if it was today) Pops would blow up. And Speed would head straight to Rex. The whole drabble just started as a masquerade party, but then I added the last part.

Thanks Billie the fourth sage for reviewing!

Nierx


	4. Crow

Addicted To

Crow

* * *

"Where are we going, Rex?" five-year-old Speed asked. They were riding bikes but not to Thunderhead like he thought. It was June, hot but with a cool breeze.

"Somewhere different," the auburn-haired boy said. He refused to say more about the subject. Although Speed was on training wheels and Rex wanted to go faster, he rode right next to the black-haired boy.

When Speed found out when Rex turned left into a field. It was big-ginormous-which surprised him. A) There was a field and B) Rex never cared about nature, really.

He braked, staring. Rex laughed. "Come on! Luckily, you're not allergic to anything, unlike me!" Speed followed Rex's example, dumping his bike on the sidewalk and stepped into the field.

It was full of dandelions, clover, and wild flowers. They played tag until they were panting and exhausted, longing for Mom's lemonade.

They were lying in a patch of clover, laughing, as high as outer space. Rex sneezed. Speed stood up and gathered a bouquet of wildflowers.

"Here," he said, presenting the flowers to his older brother. Rex smiled.

"Thanks!" he said, kissing, just a peck, on Speed's cheek.

* * *

Sixteen-year-old Rex was beating all the racers on Thunderhead. He was aiming for the record, Speed knew. He turned to Pops, excitedly, "He's gonna win, Pops! Nobody can beat him! They're just racin' for second!"

Pops grunted. Cheering the Mach 4 on, the ten-year-old boy willed the car to faster.

Speed was right: Rex set the record. Later he asked, "How did you do it, Rex?"

Rex crouched down and ruffled Speed's hair. "Should I tell you?" he mused. Smiling, he laughed at Speed's rapt attention. "Now only if you paid attention to school like this." Speed made a face. "Okay, I'll tell you: I was racing for my life. That's how I did it."

"Huh?" Speed asked. He thought he understood. "Like, you put your heart and soul into it?"

Rex smiled tightly. "Yes, that's how."

After Rex died, Pops wrapped all the pictures of Rex in newspaper blankets, put them in boxes, and took them down to the basement. Pops wanted to paint over Rex's walls too, but Mom forbade it.

All Speed had left of his brother was a picture he took during the summer, of Rex, eighteen, sitting on the hood of the Mach 5, smiling his true smile for Speed and the Mach 4, sleeping under a tarp in the garage.

* * *

Sixteen-year-old Speed was irritated. He slumped in the Mach 6, dejected. He was at Thunderhead and was failing to imitate Rex's beautiful style that cut past the competition. Maybe Pops was right; he needed experiance.

He felt like a crow chasing a butterfly. Rex's style just couldn't be imitated by anyone, including his little brother.

He tried to sleep but couldn't, it was after midnight. Speed pummeled his pillow thinking. Then he remembered:

"_A car isn't a dead piece of metal, Speed. She's a living breathing thing. Just listen. She'll tell you what she needs."_

It was 1:00AM when Speed pulled into Thunderhead. He flicked on the highbeams, ready to go.

_"Stop steering and start driving!"_

Gunning the motor, tires screaming, he felt more alive than he had in years. Laughing, he aimed for the dog-bowls, successfully looping. He felt reckless, blood coursing through his brain. The world was crystal-clear.

He felt like he was ten, when Rex would let him drive…

* * *

Eighteen-year-old Speed moaned as Racer X put his hand up his shirt, claiming his lips. They were in the Mach 5 and Speed's heart rejoiced, feeling closer to X (Rex) than he had in a long time.

"I feel bad that…ah…you're doing all the work," Speed said, semi-coherent. "Why don't I drive for a bit."

"Well," Racer X said, "You need a good lesson first." Speed sighed as the butterfly that he thought he lost tended him.

A/N: Well, if you hadn't guessed, this is inspired by _The Crow and the Butterfly_ by Shinedown. I just got the CD and it's one of my favorites. Sorry if I botched the movie quotes. Thanks iloveme5895 for reviewing!

Nierx


	5. Tattoo

Addicted To:

Tattoo

* * *

"May I help you?" asked the receptionist. She had an impressive amount of ink on her. Racer X decided. Did she have it all done at once? Whatever the case, Mom would not approve.

"I would like a tattoo," he said dryly. A square piece of paper was placed on the table.

Speed groaned as Rex peeled off his shirt. "Can't you hurry up?" he pleaded.

"So impatient," chuckled the elder.

"Well…I like speed," he said stubbornly, pouting.

The Masked Racer laughed, pulling off his white suit. Speed's eyes zoomed on the circle above Rex's heart. A red circle with a yellow 5. His symbol.

"Now, I can have you wherever I go."

Tears came to Speed's blue eyes. "Thank you," he breathed.

Speed walked into a tattoo parlor. The receptionist popped her gum. She has a lot of tattoos, Speed thought, shocked. Mom wouldn't approve.

Rex smiled as he pulled off his brother's shirt. Over his heart was a white circle with a black 9. His symbol.

"Now I can keep you with me wherever I go," Speed said smirking.

Rex laughed and pulled Speed into a kiss. "Copier."

* * *

A/N: Sorry that it's short. This one's gonna have a companion soon. Thanks Sam22-2, iloveme5895, and prettylostroses for reviewing!


	6. If

Addicted To:

If

* * *

"I'm gonna bring the family up," Inspector said, voice attempting to sound neutral. _He wants me to go. _"Would you like to go with them?"

"No," Rex (_Racer X_ he reminded himself-Rex is gone, his face is gone) He had hurt his family enough for five lifetimes, time to finally burry Rex.

Inspector turned to leave, going to get the family to see Speed drinking milk and posing for cameras.

_But I can't let him go…_ "Fine. I'll come." A sigh. _Rex Racer, you're a masochist._ Inspector turned. "On one condition."

"I'm Ryan Roberts," X said, walking behind Mom and Pops and beside Trixie. "The Inspector and I will be your protection." He winced at Spritle's and Chim-Chim's dead run, whooping war sounds. _How'd they get in the monkey?_

"We don't need protection!" Pops all-but-yelled in X's face, drowning out Mom's "Thank you."

"Of course, but its protocol," X said, making a show of grimacing. Trixie laughed.

Rex clapped with all the rest as Speed took a swig of milk and passed the rest to Sparky. _Looks like you've had more luck with Speed instead of me, partner. _He laughed as Spritle stole his older brother's trophy. _I never really knew you kid. I'm sorry. Just like I hurt everyone else._

"It's okay," Mom said. Rex gasped. Had he spoke his thoughts aloud? "Whatever's bothering you, it'll work out."

"Thanks ma'am," he said. _But it won't._

He died when Speed pulled Trixie into a kiss.

* * *

As Speed walked back to take a shower, wiping his lips with a sleeve, Rex hid in the shadows.

"Looks like you're a greater actor than I thought."

Speed jumped a mile, and then recovered. "Oh hey X." Tried to walk pass him.

"Didn't enjoy it kid?" Speed stopped in his tracks a couple of paces ahead.

"What's it to you?"

"You don't want to lead," X crooned, and pulled the newest Grand-Prix winner into a kiss. He crushed his younger brother's lips, trying to work in some of the emotion that he had been feeling throughout the night. Rex was screaming in X's chains.

Speed's blue eyes widened. He pushed X away and ran.

X followed. When Speed was down to his boxers, Rex pushed him against the wall. _He still went to shower?_ "C'mon Ol' Blue Eyes, admit it. You thought you wanted the girl, but instead you want the outlaw Racer." He capitalized it in his head, hoping that Speed wouldn't notice.

"You don't have to do this," Speed whispered. He looked at Rex, eyes pools of water threatening to spill into a flood. "I know." And started to unbutton Rex's tux.

X grinned, pulling Speed into the shower. Rex was peeled, no burned, away by love and loathing.

* * *

A/N: Hey this is still the same person as before, just with a different name!

August


End file.
